I am proud to say that during our 12 days away from home I did not gain any weight.  That is very surprising to me based on the way I was eating and how little I was able to exercise, but I'll take it!  I'm hoping that means it will be easier for me to maintain my goal weight once I reach it.

I realized today that healthy eating and exercising have really started to become a lifestyle.  There used to be a time when I would buy fruits and veggies at the store with great intentions, but would always end up throwing them out because they went bad.  These days its hard to keep enough fruits and veggies in the house to satisfy us.  Eating healthy is just what we do now.  I don't even think about it.  And exercising is just a part of my life.  I love that I've gotten to this point, where things are much easier and I make good choices for myself without even thinking about it.  I've felt so much better these past few months and I can really see the differences in my body.  All the clothes I own are either baggy or finally fit the way they should.  I'm looking forward to the day I can buy a whole new, much smaller, wardrobe! :)

Well, this last Friday was my first official weigh-in since being back home from vacation and I was pleased.

Previous weight: 238.4 lbs.
Current weight: 236.6 lbs.
Loss: 1.8 lbs.
Total loss so far: 16.8 lbs.

I'm so close to that 20 lb. milestone and I can't wait for it!  What will really be a big one for me will be 25 lbs lost because that will be 10% of my original body weight just gone!

My 29th birthday is Monday, which means only one more year before the big 3-0.  My ultimate goal is to be at my goal weight by the time I turn 30.

I'll post "so far" pictures at the end of this month.  It's nice to compare them and see the progress I have actually made. :)

Setbacks

These past couple weeks have been rough.  And things have not gone as I hoped they would.

First, I got sick and wasn't able to work out for about five days.  And of course, when you're sick, the last thing you want to eat is a salad, so I didn't count calories for a couple days in order to eat the things that would make me feel better.

Second, this last week was super busy.  It was my last week at work.  It was the week before we left for vacation in Texas and so I had a really long to do list.  It was our anniversary, a friend's birthday and we had a couple other social gatherings.  So because of all of those things, eating well kind of got thrown to the side and exercise got skipped a couple of days because of lack of time.

Third, I have injured my left knee.  I think I tried to do too much too quick and all of the running I was doing finally came back to bite me in the butt.   At first, I tried to just work through the pain.  When that got to be too much, I backed off of running so much and did more cross-training.  Now, the pain still persists and if I try to run or workout too long, my whole knee feels inflamed and swollen.  So, now I'm at the point of no running until it's healed.  And it sucks.  I have really come to love running, for many reasons.  A workout seems to go much faster when I run, I feel so great and more accomplished after a run and running works my whole body in a way that I haven't found in walking, biking or the elliptical. But I know I have to let my knee heal or it will only get worse.

There have been some really good things in the past couple weeks though.  Jeremy and I are participating in a fitness small group with our church family and it has been really awesome so far.  A couple weeks ago, we watched the documentary, "Forks Over Knives" together about eating only plant-based foods and it really changed my perspective on things.  Jeremy and I are really gonna work to incorporate more vegetarian/vegan meals into our diet and limit our intake of meats.  I'm really excited about it!

I bought a couple new pairs of jeans also and they happened to be 2 sizes smaller than the last pair I bought!  I was so excited when I tried them and saw that they fit quite easily!  They are even a little big, but the next size down is still just a little too small.

Also, even with the crazy weeks, I have still been losing.  At my last weigh-in I was down to 238.4, for a total of 15 pounds lost!  I also took my once-monthly measurements and so far I have lost a total of 10 1/2 inches including 4 from my midsection!  I also decided to take pictures once a month when I do my measurements and so this was the first month that I had two to compare and the results were so encouraging!  I could see a major difference in my body from this time last month.  That was so motivating and exactly what I needed to keep going.

We are in Texas this week and next and have really been enjoying it.  We are both enjoying some foods that we would not normally eat, but also keeping in mind portion control and continuing to exercise.  That is not something I would have ever done on vacation before, so I'm proud that it is so important to me now.  We'll see how I do at next week's weigh-in!

Thoughts

Well, things have been going pretty good.  The numbers are still going down and I have still been pretty good with my diet.  I've been a little more lenient with that than I probably should be, haven't been pushing fruits and veggies as much as I did at the beginning, but I'm still managing to stay within my daily calorie limit.  I've been working out really hard and this week I started running every day.  I'm certainly not very good at it, but I've been consistent.  I've been spending an hour on the treadmill every day and I always make sure 2 miles of that time is spent running.  I usually break it up in intervals because I'm definitely not at the point that I can just run 2 miles straight, but I can do 1 mile and so I will usually go for that if I can.

Something I was thinking about this week is that I've always known I could do this if I just set my mind to it.  I'm so strong-willed and determined about everything else in my life and I knew I would be about this, but this is the first time I have truly set this commitment in my mind and decided to do it.  Every other time that I've tried and given up was because I never actually wanted it bad enough to really do it, to really make the decision to change my life.  Now I feel like there's no way I can't succeed.

I decided spur of the moment to stop at Old Navy today after work.  I went in and tried on some clothes just curious if they would fit differently.  And as a matter of fact, they did!!  I tried on a pair of size 20 jeans and they fit fantastically.  No pulling or tugging to get them up, no squeezing and sucking in to get them buttoned.  I just pulled them up, buttoned them, zipped them and then smiled huge in the mirror.  It felt so good!  The last pair of jeans I bought from Old Navy I had to order online because they don't carry size 24's in the store.  Yep, 24.  That's a huge number.  But now, I can fit into size 20.  I'm so excited!  And I can't wait for that number to keep going down!

And now time for results!

Last time I wrote on here I was at 243.6.
This morning, I am proud to say, I weigh 239.4!
That's a loss of 4.2 pounds!
And a total loss of 14 pounds!

I feel so great!  This is the most weight I have ever lost while really trying.  I lost 25 pounds in high school, but that was unintentional.  This time, I have really done it.  My hard work is paying off every week.  I look forward to Friday mornings even more so now, because I can't wait to step on the scale and see a lower number!  I'm in the 230's folks!  I honestly can't remember the last time I was in the 230's!

School is officially over for me and so these next two and a half weeks before we head to Texas, I'm going to work my butt off.  Good eating, lots of working out and always a positive, determined mindset! :)

One Month

This week was the first week I actually noticed a difference in my body.  Looking in the mirror, I really can't see any difference, but I can tell a difference in how my clothes fit.  Thursday I was wearing a button up shirt which is one of my favorites, and about halfway through the day I looked down and realized how loose it was hanging.  I was in shock and also incredibly happy.  It's easy to get discouraged when weight loss is so gradual, but that little bit of extra room in my shirt was so encouraging.  

I was looking through old pictures, trying to find some to put up here so I can keep a visual track of my weight loss, and it was really surprising to see just how overweight I have been, how huge I have been.  It's a little disgusting to me that I allowed myself to get there.  I don't ever want to be that big again.  Ever.  

This is at one of my bridal showers, a couple years ago, with my mother (on the left) and mother-in-law (on the right).

This is me just a little less than a year ago, packing up our apartment.  

And, one of my favorite pictures from our wedding day two years ago, but still shocking to me how big I am.

Results for this week: 

Current weight: 243.6 lbs.

This week's loss: 1.8 lbs.

Total weight loss: 9.8 lbs.

This week's photo - The t-shirt I'm wearing is one I got in college and haven't felt comfortable wearing for about four or five years.  It feels good to fit back into the clothes I never thought I could wear again.  

I am so close to ten pounds, it makes me crazy!  But, for one month of being focused on weight loss, an almost-ten pound loss is pretty good.  I have a goal of losing ten more pounds in the next month.  My husband and I will be visiting our families in Texas at the end of May and I would love to be able to show up 20 lbs. lighter than the last time they saw me.  I know that this goal will require lots of hard work and dedication, but I think I'm up to it.  One of my classes ended last week and my other one ends this week, which means I will have much more time in my day for working out.  I get off work at 3 every day and so I'll be able to come home and get a workout in right away and have a lot more time to do it as well.  

I'm really proud of myself for sticking with this as long as I have.  Like I said before, this is something I will always start, but quit within a few days.  But I have stuck with it for a month now.  I am forming new habits, eating healthier has become easier, working out has become a regular part of my day, and it is getting easier to make better choices.  I know I still have a long way to go, still have over 100 lbs. to lose and still have lots of bad habits to get rid of, but I am still on the right track.  I haven't given up after a month and I don't plan on it now.

Discipline

I've never been very good at discipline in my life.  I can stay on top of things typically in one, maybe two areas of my life, but never all of them at the same time.  For this past year, I have been disciplined in my teaching at work and in my school work.  Keeping up with our house has been off and on, being good to my husband has been off and on, and focusing on my health and my relationship with God have been near non-existent.  Sure, they have been bursts of "stick with it" attitude, but they would last a week at most.

I used to think that discipline was always being on top of things, never giving up, working through the hardest times no matter what.  And while I still believe it is all of those things, I also think that true discipline leaves room for error.  Those who are truly disciplined know that they will have their bad days, their lazy days, their "I just can't possibly make it to the gym today" days, but they don't let those kinds of days stop them.  Even when those days come, they will still pick everything back up and keep going on the course that they set out on.  The bad days don't mean everything is ruined, everything is a waste.  It's just a bad day.  It happens to everyone.  But I can't let that get me thinking that I can't do it at all.  I start back up right where I left off and keep eating the right things, keep going to the gym.  Sure, one day of eating bad isn't something to rejoice in, but the fact that I can pick myself up again and continue eating good the next day, is. 

I've really gone into this with the mindset that this is a lifestyle change.  I am changing the way I live my life.  So, I have to be okay when the pounds on the scale aren't going down as fast as I would like them.  As long as they're still going down, I'm headed in the right direction.  I have to be okay when I do give in to some of my bad cravings.  I've been addicted to that food for 28 years now, I can't expect myself to give it up cold turkey.  I have to be okay when the day just doesn't lend any time to work out.  There will always be days like that because that's just how life is.  To make this a lifestyle change, it has to be part of life.  This is not just a quick, lose 10 pounds before swimsuit season diet.  I am changing my life.  

Results for this week were not what I hoped for, but they are still going the right direction.

Weight: 245.4 pounds

Loss: 1.6 pounds

I was looking for more like a 3 pound loss, but I started looking back on my week and I really did a lot more strength training this week than I have in the past and so I'm sure part of that small number is gaining muscle.  And that I'm okay with.  I already feel stronger and have more endurance on the treadmill.  All good things. :) Here's to looking forward to an even better week.

Starting Out

I decided to start a blog to chronicle my journey through weight loss and changing my lifestyle to be a much healthier one.  I've been reading a blog written by a friend who is doing the same thing and it is really inspiring and encouraging to me.  I also thought this would be good accountability for me.

So here goes...

I am a 28 year old female, 5'5" and I weigh 247 lbs.  There we go.  I said it.  I put my weight out there for all the world to see.  I think the only people who have been allowed to know how much I weigh since junior high were doctors.  And even then, I was always ashamed and couldn't wait for them to move on from their "You need to start eating more fruits and vegetables, and exercise at least three times a week" speech.  I think I've always had body issues.  And I have always loved food.  And not good food either.  I've only started loving food that is good for me in the past few years.  Food has always been my comfort, my happy place, my calm place.  If I am stressed, I eat; if I am happy, I eat; if I am bored, I eat.  I have come to the tough realization that I have an addiction to food.  It's really hard for me to say no sometimes. There, the second most embarrassing piece of information about me, out there, for all the world to see.

There was one time in m life that I was at a healthy weight.  My sophomore year of high school I joined the basketball team and dropped 25 pounds - down to 140 - pretty quickly.  Obviously, I did not keep it off.  By the time I graduated high school, I think I was up to 180 or so.  And then over my four years in college, it gradually kept piling on.  The highest my weight has ever been, which was just a few months ago, was 258.  The past couple years, I have hovered around 253.

Being overweight all my life, I never thought any boy would want me.  No man would be attracted to my lumpy features.  But, this turned out to not be true.  I did find a wonderful man who loves me just as I am and tells me how beautiful I am to him and how sexy he thinks I am.  This has been great to hear, but it is still hard for me to believe.  Unfortunately, he is also overweight and since getting married almost two years ago, I can see where my eating habits have worsened because of him.  So, we are working to get healthy together.  We've even put some money on it - the person who loses the highest percentage of weight loss by the end of the summer gets $100.  It's not much, but for us it's a lot.

So a couple weeks ago, I started once again to track calories and work out.  However, this time feels different than all my other failed attempts at losing weight.  I feel like I can really succeed this time.  I feel the need to change my lifestyle rather than just lose weight to look good.  I have to change the way I live my life if I want to be around for a long time.  Anyway, I have had success so far.  When I first began I weighed in at 253.4 lbs. and just this morning I am at 247.0.  It feels good to see those numbers go down.  Any weight loss after this will be the least I have weighed in about four years.

These last two weeks have certainly not been perfect.  I have slipped up, I have overeaten, I have not worked out for five days straight, but I have not given up.  In the past, if I had a bad day, I would have quit, proving to myself that I couldn't do this.  This time I don't let those small mistakes and slip ups get me down.  I know that one mistake is just that.  One mistake.  And I get right back in the saddle at the next meal or the next day.

I will try to update often, at least weekly, and I will add pictures soon so that we can all see the physical progress!