One Month

This week was the first week I actually noticed a difference in my body.  Looking in the mirror, I really can't see any difference, but I can tell a difference in how my clothes fit.  Thursday I was wearing a button up shirt which is one of my favorites, and about halfway through the day I looked down and realized how loose it was hanging.  I was in shock and also incredibly happy.  It's easy to get discouraged when weight loss is so gradual, but that little bit of extra room in my shirt was so encouraging.  

I was looking through old pictures, trying to find some to put up here so I can keep a visual track of my weight loss, and it was really surprising to see just how overweight I have been, how huge I have been.  It's a little disgusting to me that I allowed myself to get there.  I don't ever want to be that big again.  Ever.  

This is at one of my bridal showers, a couple years ago, with my mother (on the left) and mother-in-law (on the right).

This is me just a little less than a year ago, packing up our apartment.  

And, one of my favorite pictures from our wedding day two years ago, but still shocking to me how big I am.

Results for this week: 

Current weight: 243.6 lbs.

This week's loss: 1.8 lbs.

Total weight loss: 9.8 lbs.

This week's photo - The t-shirt I'm wearing is one I got in college and haven't felt comfortable wearing for about four or five years.  It feels good to fit back into the clothes I never thought I could wear again.  

I am so close to ten pounds, it makes me crazy!  But, for one month of being focused on weight loss, an almost-ten pound loss is pretty good.  I have a goal of losing ten more pounds in the next month.  My husband and I will be visiting our families in Texas at the end of May and I would love to be able to show up 20 lbs. lighter than the last time they saw me.  I know that this goal will require lots of hard work and dedication, but I think I'm up to it.  One of my classes ended last week and my other one ends this week, which means I will have much more time in my day for working out.  I get off work at 3 every day and so I'll be able to come home and get a workout in right away and have a lot more time to do it as well.  

I'm really proud of myself for sticking with this as long as I have.  Like I said before, this is something I will always start, but quit within a few days.  But I have stuck with it for a month now.  I am forming new habits, eating healthier has become easier, working out has become a regular part of my day, and it is getting easier to make better choices.  I know I still have a long way to go, still have over 100 lbs. to lose and still have lots of bad habits to get rid of, but I am still on the right track.  I haven't given up after a month and I don't plan on it now.

Discipline

I've never been very good at discipline in my life.  I can stay on top of things typically in one, maybe two areas of my life, but never all of them at the same time.  For this past year, I have been disciplined in my teaching at work and in my school work.  Keeping up with our house has been off and on, being good to my husband has been off and on, and focusing on my health and my relationship with God have been near non-existent.  Sure, they have been bursts of "stick with it" attitude, but they would last a week at most.

I used to think that discipline was always being on top of things, never giving up, working through the hardest times no matter what.  And while I still believe it is all of those things, I also think that true discipline leaves room for error.  Those who are truly disciplined know that they will have their bad days, their lazy days, their "I just can't possibly make it to the gym today" days, but they don't let those kinds of days stop them.  Even when those days come, they will still pick everything back up and keep going on the course that they set out on.  The bad days don't mean everything is ruined, everything is a waste.  It's just a bad day.  It happens to everyone.  But I can't let that get me thinking that I can't do it at all.  I start back up right where I left off and keep eating the right things, keep going to the gym.  Sure, one day of eating bad isn't something to rejoice in, but the fact that I can pick myself up again and continue eating good the next day, is. 

I've really gone into this with the mindset that this is a lifestyle change.  I am changing the way I live my life.  So, I have to be okay when the pounds on the scale aren't going down as fast as I would like them.  As long as they're still going down, I'm headed in the right direction.  I have to be okay when I do give in to some of my bad cravings.  I've been addicted to that food for 28 years now, I can't expect myself to give it up cold turkey.  I have to be okay when the day just doesn't lend any time to work out.  There will always be days like that because that's just how life is.  To make this a lifestyle change, it has to be part of life.  This is not just a quick, lose 10 pounds before swimsuit season diet.  I am changing my life.  

Results for this week were not what I hoped for, but they are still going the right direction.

Weight: 245.4 pounds

Loss: 1.6 pounds

I was looking for more like a 3 pound loss, but I started looking back on my week and I really did a lot more strength training this week than I have in the past and so I'm sure part of that small number is gaining muscle.  And that I'm okay with.  I already feel stronger and have more endurance on the treadmill.  All good things. :) Here's to looking forward to an even better week.

Starting Out

I decided to start a blog to chronicle my journey through weight loss and changing my lifestyle to be a much healthier one.  I've been reading a blog written by a friend who is doing the same thing and it is really inspiring and encouraging to me.  I also thought this would be good accountability for me.

So here goes...

I am a 28 year old female, 5'5" and I weigh 247 lbs.  There we go.  I said it.  I put my weight out there for all the world to see.  I think the only people who have been allowed to know how much I weigh since junior high were doctors.  And even then, I was always ashamed and couldn't wait for them to move on from their "You need to start eating more fruits and vegetables, and exercise at least three times a week" speech.  I think I've always had body issues.  And I have always loved food.  And not good food either.  I've only started loving food that is good for me in the past few years.  Food has always been my comfort, my happy place, my calm place.  If I am stressed, I eat; if I am happy, I eat; if I am bored, I eat.  I have come to the tough realization that I have an addiction to food.  It's really hard for me to say no sometimes. There, the second most embarrassing piece of information about me, out there, for all the world to see.

There was one time in m life that I was at a healthy weight.  My sophomore year of high school I joined the basketball team and dropped 25 pounds - down to 140 - pretty quickly.  Obviously, I did not keep it off.  By the time I graduated high school, I think I was up to 180 or so.  And then over my four years in college, it gradually kept piling on.  The highest my weight has ever been, which was just a few months ago, was 258.  The past couple years, I have hovered around 253.

Being overweight all my life, I never thought any boy would want me.  No man would be attracted to my lumpy features.  But, this turned out to not be true.  I did find a wonderful man who loves me just as I am and tells me how beautiful I am to him and how sexy he thinks I am.  This has been great to hear, but it is still hard for me to believe.  Unfortunately, he is also overweight and since getting married almost two years ago, I can see where my eating habits have worsened because of him.  So, we are working to get healthy together.  We've even put some money on it - the person who loses the highest percentage of weight loss by the end of the summer gets $100.  It's not much, but for us it's a lot.

So a couple weeks ago, I started once again to track calories and work out.  However, this time feels different than all my other failed attempts at losing weight.  I feel like I can really succeed this time.  I feel the need to change my lifestyle rather than just lose weight to look good.  I have to change the way I live my life if I want to be around for a long time.  Anyway, I have had success so far.  When I first began I weighed in at 253.4 lbs. and just this morning I am at 247.0.  It feels good to see those numbers go down.  Any weight loss after this will be the least I have weighed in about four years.

These last two weeks have certainly not been perfect.  I have slipped up, I have overeaten, I have not worked out for five days straight, but I have not given up.  In the past, if I had a bad day, I would have quit, proving to myself that I couldn't do this.  This time I don't let those small mistakes and slip ups get me down.  I know that one mistake is just that.  One mistake.  And I get right back in the saddle at the next meal or the next day.

I will try to update often, at least weekly, and I will add pictures soon so that we can all see the physical progress!